thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
