This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
