nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
