Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
