Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
