I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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