there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
