Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize