ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Four minutes until I can fart!
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
