Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
