Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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