so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
