It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
