Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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