I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They took my balls.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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