i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my poor anus
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
