i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
