Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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