I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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