I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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