It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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