Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
