I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
