too bad you live with your parents still
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
