she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
