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plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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