He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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