Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
