It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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