Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize