we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
