elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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