you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
