my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
