I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
