Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
