dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The power of my boobs compel you
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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