break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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