i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
