Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
