You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you told grandpa to call you daddy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
