What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize