so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
