no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
