hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
