I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you made out with another girl for some wings
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
