Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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