Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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