Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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