That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
