there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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