He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
