Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
