Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
