Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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