so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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