I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
