We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
