I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
