Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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