How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
