they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
