My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
