We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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