so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
