I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
