I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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