I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
