my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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