His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
