if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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