I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
