hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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