can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
