Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
